“Put Down That Remote” by Neil Patrick Harris is the best Emmy opening I’ve ever seen


Put Down The Remote (lyrics after the jump) was the Broadway-inspired opening number delivered by Neil Patrick Harris, star of How I Met Your Mother, that kicked off the 2009 Emmy Awards. By far, one of my favorite opening salvos of any award show and probably the best Emmy Awards ceremony opener I’ve ever seen! It was quick, fun, inspired, catchy, and set the mood for a night of merriment (that unfortunately did not end with an Emmy in the hands of Barney Stinson).

All the same, Neil Patrick Harris’ Put Down The Remote was a lot of fun, and a great way to start the evening.

Put Down the Remote lyrics after the jump.

Neil Patrick Harris – Emmys 2009
(Music & Lyrics by Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman)

Put down the remote
‘Cause this song what I wrote
Is a welcome you should not miss
Put down the remote
Every note from his throat
Is like a not-to-be-Tivo’d kiss

Don’t touch that dial
Yes it’s been quite a while
Since a dial was in style
But you know what I mean —
Don’t jump online
‘Cause this fine mug of mine
Needs a huge high-def screen!

Turn off that phone
‘Cause I want you alone
For the treasures I’ve got to share
Don’t hit that fridge – oh boy!
Let’s abridge
Your sweet derrière!
Don’t flip that switch
Aren’t you curious which
Stars got Emmys vote?
Don’t hit the loo
And whatever you do
Put down the remote!

The stars are all here
Tina Fey! What a year!
Sarah Palin did you no wrong
Thank God the “boob tube”
Rhymes with “Tony Shalhoub”
Or he wouldn’t be in this song!
I see such legends galore
Like MacLaine! Barrymore!
Every dame looks so luscious and cool
But like next season on “Idol”
I’m not seeing Paula Abdul!

Straight from “Mad Men” there’s Joan
Ah, the curves she has shown
It would make a blind man say “damn,”
She could turn a gay straight –
Oh wait, never mind, there’s Jon Hamm!
And though it’s true
I’m a nominee, too
I’ll try not to gloat
But it’s a gas to be praised
And it’s certainly raised my quote!

I know at home you’ve got
A&E, ABC, Starz and Biography
NBC, BET, Fox and Discovery
IFC, Spike TV, C-SPAN and TNT
AMC, History, Disney and QVC
TBS, and I guess
CNN, TBN, Showtime and Oxygen —
Whatever floats your boat!

Can’t you watch it later?

Yeah, you potatoes at home
Don’t let your fingertips roam
Tonight the Emmy is hitting the town –
So put down the remote!

(Lyrics transcribed by the folks here.)

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