I just got home from work today. It was a long and tough day; You know that, You were there with me.
You heard my cry and saw my tears as I prayed this morning for forgiveness for my folly. You stood by as I dedicated today to You.
You saw me fall by the wayside when I had my chicken and salsa with a cup and a half of rice and one longganisa. You saw me dig into Crickette’s surprise cake and ice cream. You saw me wolf down those Meiji chocolates. You saw me eat my beef misono at Tokyo Tokyo. You saw me eat two-thirds of the Pic-a. You watched me make a total pig of myself today. I feel like vomiting, Dad. I feel awful, physically and spiritually. I’ve made a mess of myself again, and I’ve let You down.
Is this really my life, Dad? Should I accept that I just don’t have what it takes to be thin?
I’m sorry, Dad. I’m so sorry!
This is all I’m going to say to You on my blog, Dad. I’ll talk to You in a few minutes, just You and me. Please forgive me my iniquities and idiocies; I seek Your mercy and strength to get through this crossroads. I can’t do this anymore, I just can’t.
1 O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.
2 For your arrows have pierced me,
and your hand has come down upon me.
3 Because of your wrath there is no health in my body;
my bones have no soundness because of my sin.
4 My guilt has overwhelmed me
like a burden too heavy to bear.
5 My wounds fester and are loathsome
because of my sinful folly.
6 I am bowed down and brought very low;
all day long I go about mourning.
7 My back is filled with searing pain;
there is no health in my body.
8 I am feeble and utterly crushed;
I groan in anguish of heart.
9 All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you.
10 My heart pounds, my strength fails me;
even the light has gone from my eyes.
11 My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds;
my neighbors stay far away.
12 Those who seek my life set their traps,
those who would harm me talk of my ruin;
all day long they plot deception.
13 I am like a deaf man, who cannot hear,
like a mute, who cannot open his mouth;
14 I have become like a man who does not hear,
whose mouth can offer no reply.
15 I wait for you, O LORD;
you will answer, O Lord my God.
16 For I said, “Do not let them gloat
or exalt themselves over me when my foot slips.”
17 For I am about to fall,
and my pain is ever with me.
18 I confess my iniquity;
I am troubled by my sin.
19 Many are those who are my vigorous enemies;
those who hate me without reason are numerous.
20 Those who repay my good with evil
slander me when I pursue what is good.
21 O LORD, do not forsake me;
be not far from me, O my God.
22 Come quickly to help me,
O Lord my Savior.