This isn’t easy to say, but in the spirit of confession, I’m going to go ahead and say it.
I demoralize easily.
When you’ve got the Creator of the Universe on your side, it shouldn’t be difficult to get up and go. God’s Word tells us that His grace is sufficient for us, that He is the Provider of strength when we are weak, that simply by the power of His Name, all things are possible.
Yet, sometimes, it is difficult. Man is weak. I especially am weak. These flabby arms and shaky shoulders aren’t enough to handle much of life’s stress, and the enemy knows it. We shield ourselves from his attacks with the armor of the Spirit, but if you can’t fool yourself, you can’t fool someone with centuries of experience in destroying the lives of millions.
I want to tell the story of exactly what happened, but suffice it to say that it’s been a roller coaster of emotion for me. I’ve had extremely joyful highs – from having a phenomenal team work with me to worship at my favorite Greenhills church, to setting up an event that I know will make someone I love extremely happy, to spending time with my son all day, to just making a terrific dinner for my wife last night – only to crash to terrible lows a few hours later, with certain events that went beyond my control, but I have to claim responsibility for because at the end of the day, I was part of the problem. Then, I assumed I was going to be given something, only to find out I wasn’t, which was very wrong of me to assume in the first place, making me therefore end up looking like an insanely proud person. UGH. To top it all off, one of the women I admire most in the whole world was called back to God.
It’s a terrible way to start the week. All of it avoidable, all of it my fault. (Well, Ms Anselma’s dying wasn’t my fault, but I wish I had gone to visit her before she passed away.)
It’s also in my personality to mope, but last night, I did not allow myself to mope in front of my family, choosing instead to just let it out this morning. God will speak to me in His time, and He will explain why what happened, happened. He will comfort me, He will give me peace.
In ye olden days, one would climb onto a rafter using a bucket, grab a noose, wrap it around one’s neck, and kick the bucket away. (That’s where the expression “kick the bucket” came from.) But, as the wise grandmother of a wise man said, we don’t give up; we work on our issues! So I’ll work at it. If you can say a little prayer for me for strength, I’d appreciate that.
In moments of extreme weakness, we surround ourselves with the word of God and the company of godly men and women. Anyone wanna meet up with me for frozen yogurt? *Bambi eyes*
There you go. My “Personal” post for May. *grin*