Everyone deserves a sex life that blows their socks off, the kind that makes old ladies blush and friends ask “What’s your secret?” You don’t have to have a porn star’s endowments or Energizer’s lasting power.

This post is going to piss off some people. Real men - the type who want sex lives that blow their minds - should click through. Are you an avowed porn-lover who will never consider giving up smut, or a person who has sex with her/his partner a year or less after getting together, and will not consider waiting longer for sex? You are? Yeah, you can leave now. Buh-bye.

Ladies and gentlemen, here’s the cold, hard fact: we have been duped. Mainstream media and pop psychology has fed us great heaping piles of cow dung, and I’ve realized I’m not going to take it any longer. And you shouldn’t have to. You are too good, too valuable, too smart, too attractive, and too amazing to let yourself get brainwashed.

You are not attractive when hunched over some magazine while seated on the loo, or seated in front of your computer with tissue beside you, wanking off to tiny dots on a screen that form some woman who doesn’t know that you exist. (And odds are, she’s faking it anyway.)

Not hot. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT.

You deserve a sex life with someone who actually looks forward to sex with you.

You deserve a sex life that is creative, fresh, unpredictable, and long-lasting.

You deserve a sex life in which you and your partner can share your fantasies and secrets, and both of you actually stand a chance of doing it.

You deserve a sex life that promises security, and intimacy, and all the amazing things that come with it.

To get the sex life you want and deserve, here’s what you must do. You must give up porn.

Pornography is the greatest scourge on your sex life. Porn is the worst thing you can ever hope to foist on yourself. If I were you, I’d delete the files in your secret hidden folder, I’d throw out the DVDs pronto, and I’d burn the magazines. Porn is the one obstacle to the sex life that you want and deserve!

• Porn stops you from actually meeting somebody! When you’re inside the toilet with your magazines, or in front of the computer watching the live streams, or perusing the DVD on your flat-screen, guess what. You’re alone. You’re not with a person enjoying the moment, you’re alone, getting your rocks off to dots on a screen and ink on a paper. Instead of running your hands through someone’s hair, or enjoying her/his scent, or actually doing something, you’re alone. That’s just sad. What brings on a thousand hair-raising orgasms throughout a lifetime? Not locked doors and hidden folders. It’s a strong relationship founded on a desire to please the other.
• Porn changes your expectations. The very nature of porn is built on a foundation of lies designed to cater to a person’s fantasies. There’s nothing wrong with fantasies; in a healthy sex life, fantasies can play a very important role by adding elements of freshness and spontaneity. However, if you are raised on a diet of porn, once the time comes that you’re in an actual relationship, you may find it difficult to adjust. In real life, women don’t always have D-cups, scream their lungs out, and come nine times in ten seconds. Men don’t always have picture-perfect abs and ten-inch penises.
• Porn ruins the way you come. True. It’s a virtual guarantee to a life of premature ejaculation. When hiding your porn habit, you’re always working on getting that orgasm before anyone discovers what you’re doing. If you spend years doing this, you’ve basically set-up your body to work like that, and it’s going to take a lot to undo the damage. You may even have to spend money on medicines and drugs to deal with it. How sad.

Okay, you’ve read up to here, so you’re like, okay, I can try to give up porn. Why not? All I gotta do is go out and get myself some desperate chick or horny dude and bump uglies!

WRONG. That’s the quickest way to an STD, an unwanted pregnancy, or yet another night that has you waking up the next morning saying, “Okay, last night was fun, but my bed’s empty again.”

In the words of Stacey Orrico, there’s got to be more to life. And there is. There’s a world of unbelievable possibilities, and it lies in the hands of one person who can’t wait to do everything to you that you’ve ever wanted, and more. But for you to win this person over, you’ve got to do one thing.

You’ve got to get over yourself.

Gary Chapman, author of The Five Languages of Love, says that every person has a love language:

• Words of affirmation. If your partner’s language of love is this, the words you speak effects her/his personality and behavior.
• Gifts. A gift can be a very personal object that expresses one’s love. It is not payment for services rendered, or a deal being struck. If your partner’s language of love is this, s/he appreciates thoughtful presents that remind her/him of your love.
• Acts of service. If your partner’s language of love is this, s/he appreciates it when things are done for her/him without being asked.
• Quality time. This love language is about the experiences we share with our loved ones. If your partner’s language of love is this, s/he appreciates it when you spend time with her/him and the attention is focused on her/him, not the activity itself.
• Physical touch. Physical touch is a powerful communicator of love. If your partner’s language of love is this, s/he appreciates being held, holding you, and all the nitty-gritty intimacies afforded by skin upon skin.

To get the sex life you want and deserve, you need to get over yourself and give your partner the sex life s/he wants and deserves. Forget about you and focus on her/him and meeting her/his needs and requirements. Forego your own happiness and desires and work instead on giving your best to the other person, wanting only the best for her/him.

Guess what? Most people would call that ‘love.’

If you learn your partner’s love language, and invest in the time it takes to really know this person, you’re on your way to an amazing life you’ve never dreamed possible. Imagine what you’ll be able to do when you know what your partner’s love language is! You’ll be stimulating her/him not just from a physical level, but from an emotional and spiritual level, and that will make her/him want to reciprocate in a similar fashion (assuming, of course, s/he is also learning your own love language and investing in the time it takes to know you).

Finally, I must stress one important thing to getting the sex life you want and deserve. The best sex life is one where both partners can claim absence of guilt and fear, where they can get into the details without worrying about tomorrow. Sex where one is sure there are no STDs (because the sex is monogamous) and okay with the thought of pregnancy. The only real way to have this kind of sex is to have a sex life based on true commitment, the kind that usually comes in the bonds of holy matrimony.

In conclusion, to get the sex life you want and deserve:

1) Give up porn;

2) Focus on building a relationship based on knowing your partner’s love language and expressing your love for her/him in ways s/he will appreciate; and
3) Enjoy the mind-blowing sex in the context of marriage.

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