What do you do when someone you treat well, treats you badly?
My best friend Raft3r blogged yesterday about how his mother’s household help of two years just up and left. I empathize; we had the same situation a little less than two months ago.
Our nanny of more than two years also up and left us, with little warning. She too, like Raft3r’s help, was treated like family, and had a salary that was above average. When she would return to her family for her yearly vacation, we would pay for her round-trip airfare (it was a big deal for them to travel on airplanes, but for us, it just meant a faster and more comfortable trip for her).
In March, she asked for a one-week leave to attend her daughter’s graduation from grade school; the little girl was graduating with honors, and she wanted to witness the proud event. We, of course, gave her our blessing.
Before she left, she asked if she could advance a month’s salary from us so she could buy things to bring home; it wasn’t factored into our budget, but we gave it anyway in trust.
The day she left, she texted us while we were at work to ask if she could borrow a bag in which to store her things. We said “yes.” Upon our return, we found out she borrowed our wedding luggage. And so she went on her “vacation.”
The week she was to return to us, she didn’t. A week after, she texted and complained of pain in her nether regions and asked to stay a little longer so she could treat it with medication; we allowed it. By this time, we were increasingly concerned about when she would return.
The week after, she asked us to send roughly another month’s salary to pay for her trip back. Cathy was outraged. Why would a return trip cost so much? But what could she do? We needed a nanny for Nicki, and the one nanny left behind was having a difficult time juggling both Nicki and Nathan.
After we sent her the money, we basically never heard from her for another two weeks. Then she texted us that she would return on a certain Sunday. Come that Sunday, she never arrived. We tried calling, but the number could not be reached. It was this way for another week. It was two months. Finally, Cathy was able to contact the woman’s mother, only to be told that she (the mother) was under the impression that she (the daughter, our nanny) was back home safely working with us. (You can imagine the mother’s reaction when she learned that her daughter, the mother of her grandchildren who are living with her, was not with us. We later heard she landed in hospital.)
Almost three weeks later, we find out that she is now “alive and well” in Pangasinan. Apparently with our wedding luggage. And a running debt to us of thousands of pesos. Suffice it to say that we are extremely disappointed.
In an employer-employee relationship, one doesn’t have to expect familial treatment, although kindness is expected to some degree. I remember our nanny texted us sometime during the past three months, saying she would return, and that she couldn’t do that – what “that” was, wasn’t quite clear to me, I assume it meant “not returning” – to us after we’d treated her so well.
Well, those were just words, weren’t they? I hate thinking that my wife and I have been conned, but two years is a pretty long con job. I’m still holding out to the belief that she will return to at least pay us her debt and return our wedding luggage – it’s quite sentimental to us – but fat chance of that happening, right?
We don’t just treat people well because we expect good treatment in return, although that certainly is a human expectation. We treat people well because how we treat people has a ripple effect on the world. If you treat someone badly, that person will react to that bad treatment in some form that will affect another person (or people). Those people, in turn, will treat the people in their circle similarly. If we live a life of negativity and hate, think about how many hundreds of people will be affected by our own anger.
There is a place for righteous anger. There is a place to just let it go. At this point, I’m not at that second place yet, but I will be, with God’s help. Meanwhile, anyone have a good referral for a nanny for Christian employers?
And that’s my Personals post for June. :) Looks like I may do more than one! LOL
