I’m still not over Jay Bounce’s death. Cathy says I’ve gone past denial, anger, and bargaining, and now into acceptance, but this morning, on the way to work, the facade didn’t take, and I found myself once again fighting back tears. Jay would’ve hated me moping like this, but last night - Danny, Mic, S, Cathy and myself celebrating Jay’s legacy at Tazza Cafe, one of our favorite hangouts - really stuck it to me. Hard.

Jay loved being a DJ - it wasn’t lucrative, he just did it for the love of the music - and I want to honor him with these words. I know it’s hard letting go, but I think it’s also healthy to know that Jay lives on in my heart and the hearts of all the people he’s touched.

I love ya, Big Guy. I know you’ll always be there.

ANYTIME (I AM THERE)
Deborah Gibson

Anytime you laugh, anytime you cry
Anytime you hear a sound
When you’re on the grass, lying on the ground
Anytime you wash your hands, I’ll be around
I’ll be there on the baseball field
Though I’m well concealed
I’ll be out there cheering
I’ll be there in the books you read
It is guaranteed
I’m not disappearing fast anytime
No, not anytime

And I am there each morning
I am there each fall
I am present without warning
And I’m watching it all
Yes, I’m watching it all

Oh, and I am there in music
I am there in the sky
I don’t know why this thing did happen
But this much is clear
Anytime or anywhere
I am there

Anytime you pray, anytime you fight
Anytime you’ve gained a pound
Anytime it’s day, anytime it’s night
Anytime the earth moves, I’ll be around
I’ll be there in the maple trees
I am summer breeze on a perfect evening
I’ll be there when you celebrate
When the world seems great, I’ll be waiting by your side
Anytime, yes, anytime

And I am there each morning
I am there each fall
I am present without warning
And I’m watching it all
Yes, I’m watching it all

Oh, and I am there in flowers
I am there in snow
I don’t know why this thing happened
But this much is clear
Anytime you cry, anytime you sing
For anything…

I am there each morning
I am there each fall
I don’t know why this thing did happen
But this much is clear
Be aware I am there
I am there
I am there
I am there…

I am there
I am there
I am there…

I know you’re there, Jay. Godspeed.

Thanks to all those who’ve sent birthday text messages and email greetings. I love you guys for all your support and well wishes.

Sandy was joined in heaven yesterday afternoon by one of my best friends. John Julian Mendoza Tan III - his full name is forever etched into my memory - died yesterday afternoon. Jay was only 32. In honor of his friendship, I’d like to dedicate my birthday post to him. (Please forgive the lack of eloquence; it’s hard when you can’t see the keyboard through your tears and a million thoughts are rushing through your head. I am typing this as the thoughts come in, and I will leave them unedited. I know Jay wouldn’t mind.)

Jay was like a brother to me, in times even more so. Jay and I shared a special bond because we were so alike. We had a love of music that few others could understand - we were the Spice Boys before Migs Zubiri and his other desert-dry cohorts decided to steal the name, and we would dance Wannabe in the Colayco hallways and didn’t give a darn - and that brought us close together. We were both big guys, and we knew well the hurt and heartache that shallow college life could bring.

Jay went out of his way to make all of us feel so welcome. He was this huge guy so full of love and joy, and it showed in everything he did. He was just so… Jay, with his booming voice and his love for life. His heart of service was so big and full of love - he was a member of the Department of Student Welfare and Services, and he founded an organization in Ateneo that catered to educating children with special needs - and he touched the lives of everyone he met.

In junior year, Jay shifted courses to English Literature and joined me and nine others in the course.(Neither he nor I really loved literature, but we thought it would help us write music.) While he and I slogged it through the two years to finish the course, we lived the hope and dream that someday we would have careers in music. I started out first, landing a part-time DJ job, but he eventually got a bigger job at a bigger station, and both of us were ecstatic for each other. We collaborated on a couple of songs, and he actually had this envelope of songs he just scribbled down and wrote - mostly for this girl who he never stopped loving - which a few months before his passing I finally transcribed into soft copy format for him to use.

I was the “G-Spot” to his “Round Mound of Sound.” I was not his best friend - that privileged honor belongs to someone who rushed to the hospital and missed him by moments, and I cannot fathom his grief at not making it on time - but Jay touched my life in a deep way that few others really could, and I can only hope he felt similarly about me. Even now, its almost 7AM and the tears still haven’t stopped. I haven’t hurt like this since my father died - and the tears are more copious, which is telling, I think and realize now, because I’ve lost someone very very very dear to my heart. I can’t wait until I hear his voice again, and until we sing again - yes, even with Bill and Danny’s off-key wimoweh’s messing up the background vocal - in heaven.

The last time I saw him, Cathy and I brought some books to his home for him to read. One of the books was Mitch Albom’s Tuesdays With Morrie. You think there will still be time to spend together, you think you’ve got so much, but it can all disappear in the blink of an eye. Like Albom to his teacher, Morrie, I have learned so much from Jay in our much-too-short time together. I didn’t think it would end so soon, and my heart is tearing apart in grief.

Last night, his mother told me that when Jay and I were making music together, playing on that rinkydink piano in their home, it was ‘heaven to him.’ Yes, it was heaven to me, too. Two guys, making music.

I can’t believe he’s gone. I just can’t. I keep hoping this is a bad dream, that Jay will give me a call and ask when we’re going to Tazza to get my car washed, but it’s never gonna happen. This can’t be happening. Not on my birthday. Please, God, not on my birthday!

Okay, take a deep breath.

This Saturday, Jay’s mom has asked me to sing one of the songs we wrote together. I’m not sure which one; I’m even thinking of writing a song for him. One thing is for sure: I am going to treat this like the performance of my life. I’m not even sure how I’ll get through it, but I’m gonna. For Jay. For our Jay Bounce, our Round Mound of Sound.

I am grateful to God for having brought Jay into my life, and into the lives of countless others. He was an angel on Earth, and he will be a spectacular angel in heaven, watching over those he loves. Jay, my beloved beloved friend, please keep watch over your inaanak, Nathan - isama mo na rin si Nicki, tutal, your arms can fit all the folks you love - and when we see each other, I promise the first thing we’ll do is sing and dance. The Lion Sleeps Tonight, Wannabe, Say You’ll Be Mine, whatever song you want. I honestly cannot wait. I love ya, big guy. Til we meet again.

Here are links to Jay’s other friends who’ve written about his passing or tributes to him:

• In Memoriam: John Julian M. Tan III
• Life in Perspective (Part 1 of 2)
• Life in Perspective (Part 2 of 2)
• Finishing Last: An Old Post by Jay Tan on A Spoonful of Sugar)
• Bye, Jay Tan (shout out to me, too, thanks, Anj, I wuv you)
• The Brotherhood
• Jay Tan’s Songs
• RIP Jay Tan
• Goodbye Big Brother Jay Bounce
• What I Never Got to Say to My Buddy Jay
• In Memory: John Julian “JBounce” Tan III
• In Memoriam: Jay Tan (1975-2008)
• Remembering Jay
• When a dear, dear friend dies
• Goodbye Jay
• Visiting Jay
• John Julian “Jay” Tan III aka Bounce
• In Memoriam: John Julian “Jay” Tan
• Lasting Inspiration (no permalink; use searchbox)
• Bye Jay (thanks for the shout-out, Pau)
• In Memoriam: John Julian M. Tan III, 1975-2008
• For Jay: What I Should’ve Said at the Eulogy
• Jay Tan, 1975-2008
• Goodbye my friend
• Today life

Please feel free to send me links if you have more.

My half-brother Sandy was murdered last week. The entire family is in shock. My mother and Cathy, in particular, are extremely disturbed about the circumstances surrounding his death - I, for one, am not very pleased with the Sun Star article - and we’re just in a total state of denial right now.

Sandy was a very sensitive soul. He was extremely talented and so incredibly funny. He had so much life in him, and I can’t imagine why anyone would want to hurt someone like him. Well, I’m sure he, Freddie, and Dad are probably enjoying themselves right now up in heaven. Sandy! Of all people…!

It’s very hard to concentrate on work. It’s extremely hard to focus. Meanwhile, I hope the Cebu City police will find who did this to Sandy and bring them to justice. If it doesn’t work out, my God is a God of justice, and He will give those men their due in the next life.

Update: Here’s a guestbook Sandy’s classmates have set up in his memory (thank you, Phil), and here’s an update on his case dated 02/24/08.

Former Philippine president Fidel Ramos said, in a speech delivered at an activity organized by the office of and attended by current Philippine President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, that greed, apathy, and corruption are once again making themselves felt, and constituted problems that the nation needs to address.

“Around the world,” said he, “there are new tyrannies in the form of self-serving leaders, immoderately greedy autocrats and cliques of corrupt officials that we must still confront.”

Ganns to self: Must refrain from pot-calling-kettle-black cheap shot. Oops.

Cathy and I were discussing this yesterday morning - you know you’re not even remotely close to young anymore when your conversations focus more on politics and the economy than the latest songs on the radio - when she joked, if we remove the corrupt from public service, there will be no one left. I myself kidded that this would raise unemployment to dangerous levels.Snide comments aside, I think the single greatest problem facing the Philippines today is not poverty. It’s not even corruption. The single greatest problem facing the Philippines today is that we don’t care for each other as a people.

The greatest problem facing us today is we don’t love our country. Period.

If public servants loved the country, they wouldn’t even have to think twice about adding on a little extra to their projects just for money in their pockets; they simply wouldn’t. If our leaders loved the country, they would not build an economic plan on sending their countrymen to work abroad, thereby making our own economy dangerously reliant on the economies of other nations, and tearing families apart because father and mother are not working together to raise the next generation.

If we loved our country, we would not run red lights. We would not try to use our connections just because we do not want to stand in line. We would not try to bribe our way out of dilemmas we got ourselves into because we did not do the right thing in the first place. We would not try to replace our leaders just because.

The system is not the problem. We are the problem. Our own qualities as a people - the ningas cogon, the padrino system, the bahala na attitude, the pwede na iyan mentality - doom us to failure. Each and every time.

Before we can change the government, we need to look at ourselves in a spiritual mirror and ask ourselves the more important question: how can I be part of the solution?

More on that in my next blog post, because I need to formulate my thoughts. What I definitely want to underline is that these blog entries are not unrealistic mumblings of a Filipino pollyanna. I don’t offer a solution, but I want to underscore that we as a people, if we are genuinely concerned about the future of our nation, need to be in a certain mindset when we undertake the process of change and rehabilitation.

Ramos says “history might yet call us to come together again–to offer our lives and fortunes on the altar of our civic ideals.” I hope he’s willing to put his money where his mouth is, because my next post intends to start with him.

I recently joined Team RP, a college students and young professionals-led initiative that advocates truth, accountability, and reform in Philippine government. (What a surprise that I received an invite, given that I am neither a college student nor a young professional. Ah, the joys of not looking, sounding, or acting one’s age.)

Team RP is one of the many groups seeking truth, accountability and reform in government. I’m not exactly sure what other groups propose to do, but I imagine much of their rah-rah-rah’s revolve around kicking President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo out of office.

I wish she weren’t our president. I do not believe she won the elections, and I do not believe she has never stolen a centavo from public coffers, as much as Luli would like to have us believe. I do not believe she has this nation’s best interests at heart. I did not believe her when she said she would not run again, and I will not believe any future announcements on her future political plans. I do not believe the economy improved the way it did based solely on her efforts. As far as I am concerned, the President’s integrity is slightly higher than that of the fleas on my dog.

Despite all this, I believe President Gloria Arroyo should finish her term.

Not necessarily because of the economy, which could have improved significantly more had our public servants not been so… um… greedy. Not necessarily because of the relative lack of someone viable to replace her. Certainly not necessarily because of our long history of using unconstitutional means to deal with our dissatisfaction with our presidents.

I think GMA needs to finish her term because it allows us, the hopeful idealists in the private sector, many in the middle class, to prepare for 2010. If we want truth and accountability in government, we’re not going to get it overnight. We’re not going to get it by forcing our president out.

The lack of integrity in people runs deeper than the head of state. It’s become part of our psyche as a people. It happens when drivers run red lights, and when said drivers try to bribe traffic cops when caught. (I regret having wished the fleas of a thousand camels occupy the ear lobes of drivers behind me honking their horns because I refuse to run a red light.) It happens when people try to use their connections to get a better seat, a better job, entrance into a better school. It happens all the time. At some point, we are all guilty, but God is a God of second, third, 152nd chances, and I think we owe it to ourselves and the future generations to forgive ourselves and start fresh.

If I’m not mistaken, this is what Team RP is aiming for. Reform has to start somewhere. I think if we want truth, accountability, and reform, we need to set the gold standard by living lives that emulate those values. If we want a government that is respected by the people, we the people need to respect the government and work with it towards that reform.

The pollyanna Pinoy in me believes truth and accountability in government - the ideals sought by groups like Team RP - is possible. The hopeful Filipino in me believes there are still good government officials, and not everyone is out there looking for a slice of the pie. Yes, the system is corrupt, and people can cheat their way to victory in elections, and ‘clean’ people can become sullied in government, but the optimistic Philippine citizen in me says we need to give it a shot. I’ll be darned if Nathan and Nicki grow up in a society where greed is moderated instead of eradicated and corruption is tolerated instead of punished.

Allow me to steal a line from US Senator Barack Obama, who has struck a chord with many Americans on the basis of his ‘politics of change.’ Obama has built his campaign on the ‘audacity of hope.’ His is “a politics of common sense, of common purpose, of shared sacrifice and shared prosperity.”

If we cannot trust our politicians to put the nation first, to share in our sacrifice, and to use common sense in their day-to-day business (i.e. not rob us blind) so we can all share in the resulting prosperity, then we ourselves would do well to ensure we the people do not put these so-called public servants in power. A public servant whose heart is in the right place will not tolerate corruption. Period.

We cannot afford to be apathetic. We are going to have to work hard to make inroads, to become part of the system so we can change the system. We’re going to have to create a network of people who will stand by during elections to prevent fraud and ensure the crooks no longer stay in office. We are going to have to be positive influences on people in government, and renew in them the fire that may have gone out, thanks to the suffocating nature of government business. We are going to have to educate the masses on the implications of the padrino system, the vote-buying system, and how government can empower them to live more affluent lives.

Assuming the Constitution is respected between today and the elections in 2010, we have two years. Two years to influence people in government. Two years to reach out to the masses and educate them on the issues. Two years to prepare for public service qualified persons currently in the private sector. Such are the options available to us in our current democracy.

For as long, however, as the Constitution remains in place, we must at least respect that cornerstone, that Bible of our democracy. If we stumble into the pitfall of kicking out a president unconstitutionally, I truly fear for the survival of our democracy as we know it, and more importantly, the integrity and respect for truth, accountability, justice, and equality for which it stands.

This is the story thus far of the ZTE - National Broadband Network (NBN) scandal that has rocked the Philippines so far. It’s based on the timeline published in the Philippine Star. It’s told in rhyme! It’s a ZTE poem! Tap your desk for rhythm as you read along.

THE ZTE STORY SO FAR (In Rhyme!)

In late October of Oh-Six, some genius hatched a scheme.
Connect the nation - through the Web – was then the lifelong dream.
And never mind that barangays in Davao and Samar
haven’t had kuryente since Aquino was in power.

One month later, we have NEDA and CICT
endorsing NBN to Gloria, who wants BOT.
A lot of acronyms - we know! – can show simplicity.
(We’ll find out later how these foster much duplicity.)

Romy Neri led the NEDA in November then.
CICT’s Ramon Sales championed NBN.
In December, Amsterdam Holdings Incorporated
Bid for NBN but then they ended up frustrated.

You see, sometime in February, oh so very late,
Zhong Xing Telecoms had bid to build then operate.
Three hundred million dollars was ZTE’s highest bid.
On March 18, the AHI complained this was sordid.

Four days before, Arescom proposes some hardware for
The NBN for One Thirty-Five Million dollars more.
By the 26th of March, Neri shows some concern.
But three days later, NBN’s approved – he’s overturned.

Just one day later, Jarius Bondoc of Philippine Star
Writes about the slowly escalating broadband war.
Neri gets a letter – soon to be the first of many –
Expressing worry, this one from Ambassador K. Kenney.

The deal is signed in April – 21 to be precise –
Between us and the Chinese group, for sums that seem quite nice.
Three thirty million dollars sends some eyebrows through the air.
And Sales quits on June 5 as the CICT Chair.

In June 2007, Bondoc has another scoop,
and this one’s from a woman who is buried in the loop.
Vida Bocar, working for the anti-graft commission,
is fired for seeking info on the ZTE transition.

And that same month, the contract between ZTE and us
Vanished from the DOTC’s archives without fuss.
One month later, Neri is demoted to be head
Of the Commission on Higher Education – more known to us as CHED.

Well, that same month, the DOJ says ZTE is fine.
It’s “legal” and it’s “valid,” and there’s no more need to whine.
By end of month, a suit is filed by Iloilo’s best:
Vice-Governor R. Suplico won’t give ZTE a rest.

By August 25, our contract for the surety
Of equipment for the NBN is signed with ZTE.
In a column two days later, Jarius says the reps had made
A lot more than some signatures: there were hotel sexcapades!

On August 29, a bombshell in the Lower House!
Nueva Vizcaya Rep Carlos Padilla has a mouse -
A bubwit – who unleashes some amazing news and more.
Comelec chairman Abalos is involved in this furor!

Abalos admits that he’s met up with ZTE
But only for some golf in China, nothing more, says he.
GMA tells Cabinet to shush by September 3.
And four days later, we have impact from III JDV.

Joey de Venecia says Ben Abalos had tried
To buy his silence with a large ten million-dollar bribe.
By the 11th of September, the SC then steps in
And files a restraining order against project NBN.

Then one week later, JDV III says he had teed off
With FG Mike Arroyo, who then told him to “back off.”
FG says, I did no such thing!, first gentleman is he.
But four days later, GMA suspends the ZTE.

When the Senate heard the case on September 26,
Neri said a bribe had happened, there were really tricks.
He said Ben Abalos had tried to bribe him to endorse,
And he told GMA, who still approved this dying horse.

On October first, Ben Abalos resigns from Comelec.
Two days later, GMA says ZTE’s a wreck.
Blue Ribbon chair Cayetano schedules hearing by month’s end.
The NEDA chair won’t give them documents on NBN.

On 10 October, Neri says the documents are free.
They’re public, and should be available for all to see.
The Senate drags on hearings for the next two months or so,
until we meet a fellow who is deeply in the know.

Jun Lozada is a man who knows of ZTE.
He’s a government consultant in the fast realm of IT.
Two hours before Senate starts, he flies off to Hong Kong,
Despite the knowledge what he did was obviously quite wrong.

Orders for his fast arrest – and Neri’s, too – are made.
Neri avoids all the cops; J-Lo flies home when swayed.
He disappears, and for some hours, seems to all quite lost.
His whereabouts unknown, people start to count the cost.

The Palace says they had nothing to do with J-Lo’s mark.
PNP Chief Razon says that he’s kept in the dark.
J-Lo’s wife Violeta files a writ with the SC.
His brother Arthur does the same to underline their plea.

Soon after, Razon takes the stage and with his “police charm,”
Informs the world that J-Lo’s safe and he has not been harmed.
“The man’s in police custody,” the PNP chief says.
“OMG,” the nation gasps in shock, “He’s good as dead.”

It turns out J-Lo isn’t dead; he’s hiding from the mob.
Some theorize that his demise was foiled, a bungled job.
The media covers all the stops; results are not dismal.
Instead of becoming a Dacer, he ends up in La Salle.

Protected by the men in white, Lozada tells us all
The deal with ZTE was anything but really small.
He links Arroyo – FG, man! – and Chairman Abalos
To ZTE and NBN, at great personal cost.

He says the former Comelec Chairperson wants him dead,
Revealing a huge kickback for him and the nation’s head.
From Two-Six-Two Mil, NBN had grown to Three-Thirty.
130 Mil for Abalos; Arroyo Seventy.

During investigation, we can see the lines are drawn.
One by one, the senators are by Lozada, won.
In search for justice, they’re convinced his testimony’s neat.
(Never mind the puddle of tears pooling at his feet.)

In later testimonies, the corruption web has spread.
J-Lo implicates most every businessman and head.
(One of the more shocking revelations of the lad?
He claims to have met up with Mrs. ‘Lagot ka if you’re bad.’)

Right now, we’re waiting for a testimony with much bated breath.
Assuming J-Lo is protected from uncertain death,
There is much to see and hear, and things get rather scary,
When he says “GMA is evil,” according to Sec Neri.

With Jamby and Ping Lacson finding patriotic cash,
And government sending the Ombudsman in a frantic dash,
With churches gathering their flocks for a different people power,
And loyalties to GMA now growing rather sour,
With media and bloggers frothing at the mouth for more,
With Team RP now forming to revitalize the core,
With us, the middle class, just working to keep us afloat,
With many Filipinos hoping now to rock the boat,
With demon partnership now part of evil’s definition
The time may be upon us for a government transition.
A shifting in the paradigm may be a welcome treat.
God save us from a lady who stands just below five feet.

Update: Our townhouse is now being rented out. Please check back here once in a while for updates on our other properties.

Our townhouse in Las Pinas is now available for rent for only P8,000/month.

Cathy and I are renting out our townhouse in Las Pinas City. If you’re looking to rent a house in Las Pinas, please take a look at our Las Pinas townhouse, situated in private, safe subdivision Royal South Subdivision, only ten minutes away from SM Southmall and other exciting places along the Zapote area.

There is a parking slot in front of the house, and there are no problems with water and electricity. There is a small monthly association fee to ensure the security of the subdivision.

Our asking price for our Las Pinas City townhouse for rent is P8000/month. Terms are one month advance and two months deposit, refundable a month after termination of contract. Please email us at superblessed at gmail dot com or call 0917-884-2667. Photos here (note: furniture belongs to previous tenant. Tenants provide their own furniture).